I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
