Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
