What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
