What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
