bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
