Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
