We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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