im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
