I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
