dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
