DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
