i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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