Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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