I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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