he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The ass gains better be worth it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
