im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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