The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
