...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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