We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
