Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
