Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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