just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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