I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
