I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
