So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
