Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
no you cant smoke seaweed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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