Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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