all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
