Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
