Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
