I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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