I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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