Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And then he peed in my hair
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