I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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