why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
