playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
