Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
