absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
