Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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