So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
