bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
