I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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