I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
