6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
