they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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