after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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