I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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