so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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