Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
