garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
