Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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