Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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