Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
