Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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