i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
