I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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